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14 tenets of Fascism

George Washington never told a lie,
Franklin Roosevelt never told the truth,
Richard Nixon didn't know the difference,
and Ronald Reagan didn't know there WAS a difference.

Too many piglets, not enough tits. - Abraham Lincoln

When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross. - Sinclair Lewis

Who is conceited enough to imagine that he can actually devise ideal institutions? The only people who think they can are those who believe that nothing significant was ever done before their time, that their generation will be the first to acheive anything worthwhile, people who are convinced that only they and their current idols possess the truth, and that anyone who doessn't agree with them is a fool or a knave.... It's a universal law—intolerance is the first sign of an inadequate education. An ill-educated person behaves with arrogant impatience, whereas truly profound education breeds humility. — Varsonofiev, in Alexander Solzhetnitsyn's August 1914

As long as I count the votes, what are you going to do about it? - William Marcy Tweed, Tammany Hall boss

If voting could actually change anything, it would be illegal. - Noam Chomsky, nutball, gadfly, radical

It is useless for sheep to pass resolutions in favor of vegetarianism while wolves remain of a different opinion. - William Ralph Inge (1860-1954)

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working Americans. It's the other lousy 2% that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. - Lily Tomlin

An ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination. - Voltaire

Public opinion, a vulgar, impertinent, anonymous tyrant who deliberately makes life unpleasant for anyone who is not content to be the average person. - William R. Inge

Our government is the potent, the omnipresent teacher. For good or ill, it teaches the whole people by its example. Crime is contagious. If the government becomes a lawbreaker, it breeds contempt for the law; it invites every man to become a law unto himself. - Justice Louis D. Brandeis

No matter who you vote for, the government always gets in.

Do not trust the cheering, for those persons would shout as much if you or I were going to be hanged. - Oliver Cromwell

While Americans were proud of [their revolution], Johnson was unimpressed. He disliked the rebel colonists for their hatred of authority, their unseemly scramble for money, and especially their dependence on slaves. "I am willing to love all mankind, except an American," he wrote. "They are a race of convicts, and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging." - Jack Lynch quoting Samuel Johnson, NYT 2 Jul 2005

Illegal immigrants have been a problem in America for hundreds of years...Just ask any Indian. - Peter Jennings

First, we hang all the lawyers. - Jack Cade, 15th century English rebel

If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. - "Murphy", Lyndon Johnson, traditional?

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles. - Pat Paulsen

We must not be hampered by yesterday's myths in concentrating on today's needs. - Harold Geneen

What a country calls its vital economic interests are not the things which enable its citizens to live, but the things which enable it to make war. Petrol is much more likely than wheat to be a cause of international conflict. - Simone Weil, The Need for Roots (1949)

Why are we surprised when politicians play politics? It's not like they are supposed to be real adults... they are, after all, politicians and don't have real jobs and aren't playing around with their own money. - Max

There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct or more uncertain in its success than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things. — Niccolo Machiavelli, The Prince (1532)

A man will fight harder for his interests than for his rights. — Napoleon

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich. — Napoleon

Anybody who wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office. - David Broder

The great nations have always acted like gangsters, and the small nations like prostitutes. - Stanley Kubrick

In this world of sin and sorrow, there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. - H.L. Mencken

Suppose two-thirds of the members of the national House of Representatives were dumped into the Washington garbage incinerator tomorrow, what would we lose to offset our gain of their salaries and the salaries of their parasites? - H.L. Mencken

To wage a war for a purely moral reason is as absurd as to ravish a woman for a purely moral reason. - H.L. Mencken

Democracy is grounded upon so childish a complex of fallacies that they must be protected by a rigid system of taboos, else even halfwits would argue it to pieces. Its first concern must thus be to penalize the free play of ideas. - H.L. Mencken

Of government, at least in democratic states, it may be said briefly that it is an agency engaged wholesale, and as a matter of solemn duty, in the performance of acts which all self-respecting individuals refrain from as a matter of common decency. - H.L. Mencken

Our country, right or wrong.
When right, to be kept right;
when wrong, to be put right.
- Carl Schurz, January 17, 1872

Queen MabKings, Priests, and statesmen,
blast the human flower
Even in its tender bud; their
influence darts
Like subtle poison through the
bloodless veins
Of desolate society
- Percy Bysshe Shelley (1892-1822), Queen Mab

If there be any among us who would wish to dissolve this Union or to change its republican form, let them stand undisturbed as monuments of the safety with which error of opinion may be tolerated where reason is left free to combat it. - Thomas Jefferson, 1st Inaugural, 4-Mar-1801

It is not only vain, but wicked, in a legislator to frame laws in opposition to the laws of nature, and to arm them with the terrors of death. This is truly creating crimes in order to punish them. - Thomas Jefferson, 1779

A wise and frugal Government, which shall restrain men from injuring one another, shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement. - Thomas Jefferson, First Inaugural address, 1801

Those are governed best who are governed least. - Thomas Jefferson

I hold it, that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing, and as necessary in the political world as storms in the physical. - Thomas Jefferson, Letter to James Madison, January 30, 1787

A popular government without popular information, or the means of acquiring it, is but a prologue to a farce or a tragedy, or perhaps both. - James Madison

Knowledge will forever govern ignorance, and a people who mean to be their own governors must arm themselves with the power which knowledge gives. - James Madison

He who knows only one side of the case knows little of that. - John Stuart Mill

Dignity does not consist of possessing honors, but in deserving them. - Aristotle

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause. - P. J. O'Rourke, Parliament of Whores (1991)

Where all men think alike, no one thinks very much. - Walter Lippmann

There is nothing so asinine that governments will not proclaim it as official doctrine. - Nolan

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. - Salvor Hardin

He who will not reason, is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave. - William Drummond

When socialism comes into power, the Roman Church will advocate socialism with the same vigor [with which] it is now favoring feudalism and slavery. - Ferdinand August Bebel (1840-1913)

How can you have order in a state without religion? For, when one man is dying of hunger near another who is ill of surfeit, he cannot resign himself to this difference unless there is an authority which declares ´God wills it thus.´ Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet." - Napoleon Bonaparte

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich. - Napoleon Bonaparte

I am surrounded by priests who repeat incessantly that their kingdom is not of this world, and yet they lay their hands on everything they can get. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Here in Washington, DC, we do anything we please and get away with it... Why? Because the average American voter doesn't even read a newspaper anymore and has the attention span of a cocker spaniel... You don't care, so we don't care! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha... - Wiley, Non Sequitur, 9/24/2000

Some people never see the light
Till it shines thru bullet holes.
- Bruce Cockburn

Looking at Capitol Hill is like looking at that Escher picture of the wild geese flying together: makes no fucking sense and occasionally shits on your head. - Dennis Miller

When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist. - Dom Heider Camera

When the government reduces taxes on the rich, the rich call it 'tax reform', but when their taxes are increased they call it 'class warfare'. - unknown

... Two and two are four. Sometimes, Winston. Sometimes they are five. Sometimes they are three. Sometimes they are all of them at once. You must try harder. It is not easy to become sane. - George Orwell, 1984

Ultima ratio regum. (the ultimate argument of kings). - Louis XIV, motto enscribed on French cannon

Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely. - Lord Acton

    Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. - John Lehman, US Secretary of the Navy

It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets. - Voltaire, War

Never has there been a good war or a bad peace. - Benjamin Franklin

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in. - George McGovern

Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime. - Ernest Hemingway

If they weren't all scoundrels, liars and idiots, it wouldn't be representative democracy. - Molly Ivins

There is no inverse relationship between freedom and security. Less of one does not lead to more of the other. People with no rights are not safe from terrorist attack. - Molly Ivins

On Washington, DC:."Here are assembled from every state in the Union what ought to be the collected talent, intelligence, and high principle of a free and enlightened nation. Of talent and intelligence there is a very fair supply, but principle is not so much in demand; and in everything, and everywhere, by the demand the supply is always regulated." — (Chap. 21, The National Capital, p. 153), Capt. Frederick Marryat, A Diary in America, with remarks on its Institutions, 1838

Chapter XLVII . Patriotism
    It is because it is more egotistical that the patriotism of the American is more easily roused and more easily affronted. He has been educated to despise all other countries and to look upon his own as the first in the world; he has been taught that all other nations are slaves to despots and that the American citizen only is free, and this is never contradicted. For although thousands may in their own hearts feel the falsehood of their assertions, there is not one who will venture to express his opinion. The government sets the example, the press follows it, and the people receive the incense of flattery, which in other countries is offered to the court alone, and if it were not for the occasional compunctions and doubts, which his real good sense will sometimes visit him with, the more enlightened American would be happy in his own delusions, as the majority most certainly may be said to be. . . . — (Chap. 47, Patriotism, p. 442-3), Capt. Frederick Marryat, A Diary in America, with remarks on its Institutions, 1838

Violence is the first refuge of the incompetent. - Isaac Asimov

When 'Grand old men' persist in folly
In slaughtering men and chopping trees,
What art can sooth the melancholy
Of those whom futile 'statesmen' teaze?
Edward Lear

It is my firm belief that the infinite and uncontrollable fury of nuclear weapons should never again be held in the hands of any mere mortal - never again, for any reason. - Mikhail Gorbachev, quoted by Sen. Alan Cranston, Free Inquiry 20:4

You cannot at once hold sacred the miracle of existence and hold sacrosanct the capacity to destroy it. Deterrence at best is a gamble no mortal should pretend to make. At worst it risks death on a scale rivaling the power of the creator. -- Gen. Lee Butler, quoted by Sen. Alan Cranston, Free Inquiry 20:4

Of the three Popes, John the Twenty-third was the first victim; he fled and was brought back a prisoner; the most scandalous charges were suppressed; the Vicar of Christ was only accused of piracy, murder, rape, sodomy, and incest. --   Gibbons, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire

We must indeed all hang together, or, most assuredly, we shall all hang separately. - Ben Franklin, upon signing the Declaration of Independence

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. - Ben Franklin, Historical Review of Pennsylvania

Government is not reason, nor eloquence. It is force. And like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearsome master. - George Washington

The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with an average voter. - Winston Churchill (On "majority rule")

In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist. We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together. - Dwight David Eisenhower (1960)

If the end brings me out all right, what is said against me won't amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference. - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865 )

Prohibition will work great injury to the cause of Temperance. It is a species of intemperance within itself, for it attempts to control a man's appetite by legislation and makes a crime out of things that are not crimes. A prohibition law strikes at the very principles upon which our government was founded. - Abraham Lincoln

As I would not be a slave, so I would not be a master. This expresses my idea of democracy. Whatever differs from this, to the extent of the difference, is no democracy. - The Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln [1953], vol. II

I wish the bald eagle had not been chosen as the representative of our country; he is a bird of bad moral character; like those among men who live by sharping and robbing, he is generally poor, and often very lousy. The turkey is a much more respectable bird, and withal a true original native of America. - Ben Franklin, letter to Sarah Bache

All the world is my country and all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion. - Thomas Paine

Quoting out of context for fun and profit:

"Congress shall make no law"
- United States Constitution

The Republican Party has been taken over by the Four Horsemen of Calumny: fear, ignorance, bigotry and smear. - Sen. Margaret Chase Smith

I was never a Republican, because those gentlemen, distinguished as they are, have only one real interest, and that is the making of special laws in order to protect their fortunes. I also know they have no compassion for the masses of the people in this country who are without money and who are, many of them, without food or houses. I have always thought that only as a Democrat, reflecting Jefferson and Jackson, could justice ever be done the people because, at this moment in history, ours is the only party which is even faintly responsive to the force of ideas." - Samuel Tilden, Democratic candidate for President in 1876

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? - Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate

Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame. - Laurence Peter

All politicians are cowards. But they could be better cowards. - Maria Hsia, quoted by AP 9/11/00

I honestly believe I'd make one of the worst elected officials in the history of this country. - H. Ross Perot, in a 1969 CBS television interview

Ross Perot may indeed turn this country around. However, his next act will probably be to bend it over. - Thomas Omar Smith

Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government! - Dennis to King Arthur, Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail

The real difficulty is with the vast wealth and power in the hands of the few and the unscrupulous who represent or control capital. Hundreds of laws of Congress and the state legislatures are in the interest of these men and against the interests of the workingmen. These need to be exposed and repealed. All laws on corporations, on taxation, on trusts, wills, descent, and the like, need examination and extensive change. This is a government of the people, by the people, and for the people no longer. It is a government of corporations, by corporations, and for corporations. -- How is this? - Rutherford Hayes, 11 March 1888

In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. - Dwight David Eisenhower, Farewell Address

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. - Mark Twain

The national budget must be balanced. The public debt must be reduced; the arrogance of the authorities must be moderated and controlled. Payments to foreign governments must be reduced. If the nation doesn't want to go bankrupt, people must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance. - Marcus Tullius Cicero, 55 BC

A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it's real money. - Sen. Everett Dirksen

My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes. - Ronald Reagan, said during a radio microphone test, 1984

This happy place, where men are to live, without labor, upon the fruit of the labors of others; this political hive, where all the drones in the society are to be collected to feed on the honey of the land. How dangerous this city may be, and what its operation on the general liberties of this country, time alone must discover. - Thomas Tredwell in the New York Ratifying Convention, 2 July 1788, describing the federal district

The punishment which the wise suffer who refuse to take part in the government, is to live under the government of worse men. - Plato

What we call real estate - the solid ground to build a house on - is the broad foundation on which nearly all of the guilt of the world rests. - Nathaniel Hawthorne

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. - Elayne Boolser

What the world needs is not dogma but an attitude of scientific inquiry combined with a belief that the torture of millions is not desirable, whether inflicted by Stalin or by a Deity imagined in the likeness of the believer. - Bertrand Russell

I don't trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket. - Lyndon Johnson

If you suck on a tit the movie gets an R rating. If you hack the tit off with an axe it will be PG. - Jack Nicholson

The shock of discovering that most of the power in the world is held by ignorant and greedy people can really bum you out at first; but after you've lived with it a few decades, it becomes, like cancer and other plagues, just another problem that we will solve eventually if we keep working at it. - Robert Anton Wilson

So long as men worship the Caesars and Napoleons, Caesars and Napoleons will arise to make them miserable. - Aldous Huxley

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy. - James Madison

... just because the universe is indifferent to our struggle doesn't mean that our government ought to be. - Eric Boyd

This country will not be a good place for any of us to live in unless we make it a good place for all of us to live in. - Theodore Roosevelt

There never did, there never will, and there never can exist a parliament, or any description of men, or any generation of men, in any country, possessed of the right or the power of binding and controlling posterity to the 'end of time,' or of commanding for ever how the world shall be governed, or who shall govern it; and therefore, all such clauses, acts, or declarations, by which the makers of them attempt to do what they have neither the right nor the power to do, nor the power to execute, are in themselves null and void. Every age and generation must be as free to act for itself, in all cases, as the ages and generations which preceded it. The vanity and presumption of governing beyond the grave, is the most ridiculous and insolent of all tyrannies... Every generation is, and must be, competent to all the purposes which its occasions require. It is the living, and not the dead, that are to be accommodated. - Thomas Paine, Rights of Man

Law is what government builds to assure its perpetuity. Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable. - John F. Kennedy

One-fifth of the people are against everything all of the time. - John F. Kennedy

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don't want them to become politicians in the process. - John F. Kennedy

The state calls its own violence `law', but that of the individual `crime' - Max Stirner

It is contended by many that ours is a Christian government, founded upon the Bible, and that all who look upon that book as false or foolish are destroying the foundation of our country. The truth is, our government is not founded upon the rights of gods, but upon the rights of men. Our Constitution was framed, not to declare and uphold the deity of Christ, but the sacredness of humanity. Ours is the first government made by the people for the people. It is the only nation with which the gods have nothing to do. And yet there are some judges dishonest and cowardly enough to solemnly decide that this is a Christian country, and that our free institutions are based upon the infamous laws of Jehovah. - Robert G. Ingersoll

What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to. - Hansell B. Duckett

The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. - Maureen Murphy

I had rather be right than President. -Senator Henry Clay (1777-1852)

I am against vice in every form, including the Vice Presidency. - Rep. Morris K. Udall (1922-

A conservative is a liberal who was mugged the night before. - Philadelphia mayor Frank Rizzo (1920-1991)

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. - Groucho Marx (1890-1977 )

It is indeed difficult to define just who the `modern man' is, and what views he has to hold in order to be modern. - Josiah Royce (1855-1916)

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin

Love your country, but never trust its government. - Robert Heinlein (1907-1988)

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss. - Robert Heinlein

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J O'Rourke (1947-

When there's a single thief, it's robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it's taxation. - Vanya Cohen (1976-

To retain respect for sausages and laws, one must not watch them in the making. - Otto von Bismarck (1815-1898 )

If I didn't kick Bill Clinton's ass every day, he wouldn't be worth anything. - Hillary Rodham Clinton, 1980. (1947-

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are driving taxi cabs and cutting hair. - George Burns (1896-1996 )

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. - Doug Larson

The problem with political jokes is that they keep getting elected. - anonymous.

The man who says there are no new jokes probably hasn't read the latest batch of bills before Congress. - unknown.

Politicians are people who get sworn in and then cursed out.- MAD Magazine.

The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern. - Acton

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. - anonymous.

What this country needs more of is more unemployed politicians. - Langley

The politician is an acrobat. He keeps his balance by saying the opposite of what he does. - Barres

We must not look to government to solve our problems. Government is the problem. - Ronald Reagan (1911-

Sex and politics are a lot alike. You don't have to be good at them to enjoy them. - Sen. Barry Goldwater (1909-1998)

The only way a reporter should look at a politician is down. - Kent

I watched my country turn into
a coast-to-coast strip mall
and I cried out in a song:
if we could do all that in thirty years,
then please tell me you all -
why does good change take so long?

- Greg Brown, Poet Game, 1994

I was e-mailed a list of "You're a REAL Democrat if...", the usual right-wing drivel. I eventually came up with a liberalish alternative.